Dating Lessons You Learned In Your 20s
by Sam Marx
This week I celebrated my thirty first birthday as a single woman. That’s right, I have not one f*cking clue where my Mr. Right is, if that’s what we’re going to call this elusive inhabitant of an alternate universe where true love reigns, copious amounts of love making takes place & an angel gets its wings every time a man gets on bended knee promising forever. Okay, maybe that sounds ridiculous, but it’s a little known fact that for every woman dreaming of Prince Charming there are two falling for the Prince of Darkness. The latter running rampant in the real world – the one where we all live & from where I find myself writing this article.
It’s this place that allows us to realize that dating in our twenties taught us some invaluable lessons. It’s time to pay our twenty-something selves a visit because she’s got something to say. The author of the article I’m using this teach from had this to say:
This is what my love life consisted of in my 20s: choosing the wrong men (bad boys, the unattainable, the emotionally unavailable), seeking love outside myself, and utilizing my tear ducts to their full potential.
-Sujeiry Gonzalez, 5 Dating Lessons I Wish I’d Known in My 20s
Dating Lesson No. 1: Mom Is Usually Right
I was a party girl in my twenties. It was a blur of clubs, booze & men who had no real interest in dating me. They offered instead the kind of love Usher makes mention of in his hit song, “Love in the Club”. Hear dear ol’ mom out when she’s not as goo-goo-ga-ga as you are about your new man. There’s a whole sea of fish, don’t let your latest catch cause more heartache than he’s worth. Mom knows what she’s talking about, throw his ass back!
Dating Lesson No. 2:RuPaul Is Also Right
RuPaul (yes the fab drag queen) says, “If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love someone else?” This is truth. First order of business, love every fiber of your being. No one can fill the void you have except you, and it isn’t until you do that you give yourself a real chance at finding love.
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Dating Lesson No.3: Your GutIs ALWAYS Right
Did you notice that I capitalized and italicized every letter of always? That’s how important it is that when you do a gut check, you actually do whatever your gut tells you! Listening to yourself is the best line of first defense you have of saving yourself from heartache.
Dating Lesson No. 4:Sex isn’t a Race
You know the story about the tortoise and the hare? Who wins the race? Take the approach of the tortoise. When it’s right, the sex will happen; you’ll know when its right and when you’re ready, and that’s when it should happen. Rushing into a lust fueled romp might very well leave you with more questions than answers, questions you had before the romp. Avoid all that by moving at a pace your comfortable with, and if he’s not comfortable with that, then let him go! He’s not the one for you.
Dating Lesson No .5: A Foundation Leads To An Adult Relationship
If it starts fast and furious there’s a good chance that’s exactly how it’s going to end. Lust, passion and ignorant bliss are exciting but that’s all they are. They aren’t any of the things a LTR are built on. You have to know him before you commit to him. The good. The bad. The ugly. All of it. What makes a difference in our relationships is that we love ourselves all ways and always. That’s where the foundation truly begins, with you.
